Reading from the Rev. Mike Young, at the First Unitarian Church of Honolulu

 

One way to set someone up for a contract they didn't negotiate, of course, is to wrap yourself in authority. Parents are very good at this. Flags work very well for this. Wearing a uniform implies you have bought into all of my contract with the military. That's one of the reasons why people are so uncomfortable with ministers' backward collars. I was once weekend chaplain at a boys' prep school. The previous chaplain had worn the collar there. So for the first few weeks that I was there, I wore the clerical collar. I began to notice that it was getting in the way of my relationship with some of the kids. It was amazing to observe the differences in behavior of the kids toward me with the collar on as opposed to toward me with the collar off. The implication I guess is that, when you've got the boss's collar on, the boss is always right.

                                               

 

Tales of the Collar

A Sermon by the Rev. Jim Bridges

Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Rock Tavern

Nov. 28, 2004

 

How many of you were surprised to see me in a clerical collar today? 

How many of you were shocked? 

How many of you were upset? 

Opposed?    

And last but not the least, how many of you liked it?

 

It is not something one sees often on Unitarian Universalist ministers.  Most of us think of them being worn by  Roman Catholic priests, Episcopalian priests, Lutheran ministers, sometimes United Methodist ministers, and then other Protestant ministers occasionally.  And yet, some UU clergywomen and men do wear them.   The Rev. Kay Greenleaf, for example, always wears a collar when performing her duties as a minister in the Poughkeepsie UU congregation.  More recently, a number of the Northern Area Council ministers, the ministerial subgroup of which I am a part in the Metro NY district, have discussed the idea of wearing them at times.  In part, it is for ease of identification when we are taking part in demonstrations.  But also, they have been worn by some of us during the same sex marriage ceremonies up in New Paltz….again, I believe, for identification purposes.  Nonetheless, they do have a long history within Unitarian Universalism, as does ministerial resistance to wearing them.

 

Some of you may remember my sermon on Theodore Parker.  In it, I had mentioned that he chose NOT TO WEAR the white tie which ministers customarily wore in the 1800s.  This set them apart from the laity, and he did not want to make that statement of social class.  This may be the first resistance within Unitarianism to wearing a distinctive ministerial garb.  But why talk about this?

 

I believe that people’s reactions to a clerical collar tell us something about ourselves – some positive, and some negative. 

Generally, I wear the clerical collar when I am doing hospital visitations.  One reason is that it often makes things easier in a hospital setting.  I can easily enter a patient’s room, even in ICU, without being challenged.  If I am mistaken for a priest by the nurses, which often happen, who frequently eagerly await the arrival of a priest in response to a call they have placed, I can quickly clarify that I am a protestant minister.  Yet, if need be, I can still minister to and with a patient or hospital staff.  Such nurses clearly are stressed – wanting what they see as the best care for their patients.  It is an act of love.

 

One incident has really stuck in my mind.  I can recall walking out of a hospital wing down a hall at Arden Hill Hospital.  Coming towards me was a lady in a wheelchair, being wheeled down the hallway by apparently her husband.  Our eyes met, and she stretched out her hand to touch me.  I responded in kind, and our hands gently touched each other, as I continued walking and she continued being wheeled down the hall to her room.  Nothing was said between us, yet something happened in that touch.  There was a connection made; a gentle reassurance of human contact.  To this day, I do not know what it meant to her, not really, but I sensed it was meaningful.  I believe there was a charge of psychological energy that passed between us.  Whether she saw that as a healing force, I don’t know, but I would like to think that she may have.  It also reminded me of the metaphor in the gospels, where the ill and lame would touch Jesus’ garments and be healed.  I have no illusions that anything like that was going on with me…..and yet, I wonder how the woman viewed such.  I believe that whole exchange was predicated upon the collar, supplemented by my attitude and facial expressions.  That collar was a symbol, deeply meaningful to her.

 

Still another story of my wearing a clerical collar…..I was at Bear Mountain State Park, near the Inn, to officiate at a wedding.  The wedding couple asked that I wear the clerical collar for their wedding, and I did.  While walking through the parking lot, I had to cross a well traveled lane of traffic.  I was dumbfounded as cars readily stopped for me, allowing me to cross!  Having lived in New York City for a number of years, I never expect that to happen!  But it did.  Similarly, while walking along a sidewalk, people are far more likely to smile and greet me than if I am dressed in regular street clothes.  They are far more polite towards me.

 

Such changes in behavior feel good to me.  They make me wonder.  What if each of us were to wear a collar.  Would we all treat each other that way?  That might be a sneaky way to help the world practice our first principle….affirming the inherent worth and dignity of every person.  It also would strengthen our seventh principle – strengthening community of the interdependent web of all existence.   It some ways, such behavior reminds me of when I have attended Buddhist retreats.  When making the transition into the retreat, I always feel a pleasant shock as I am bowed to like this [DEMONSTRATE] as I pass another person in my travels.  Such respect to the life force within me, and within all others, truly heightens one’s awareness of the divinity within us all.  That awareness, I dare say, leads to an improvement of behavior towards each other.  Wearing the clerical collar seems to have the same effect on others and on me.

 

Still another thing happens when one puts on a clerical collar.  Not only do the nurses and ill reach out to you, not only do people smile and greet you, so too are various hustlers attracted to you.  In New York City in particular, more panhandlers seem to find me to ask for money.  So too do the winos and addicts come out of the woodwork to meet me, to ask me to help them in the form of cash.  Depending upon an inner sense of mine and intuition, I may or may not help them in the way they request.  I’m not really sure what guides me….and I’m sure, there are times I have been suckered.  But sometimes, that just may be OK.  A clerical collar certainly seems to be an advertisement for those with troubles to approach, to seek help, and to seek sustenance.  Indeed, it might be called an invitation for some people.

 

I am reminded of one woman who asked initially for cash to get home and to get some groceries.  I ran into her in a store where I had stopped briefly on my way home.  Rather than give her money, I offered to take her to a supermarket, to shop with her, pay for the items, and then drive her home instead of giving her more money, $20 or so, for a taxi across the river.  We did that…..she took my mail address, she promised to pay me back…..and never did.  Do I regret having done it….No.  Why not?  Because I know that my money went for what she wanted….and I assume that she needed the items for herself….that they were legitimate.  May they have helped her.

 

I would be remiss, however, not to talk about some other experiences I have had.  Some parishioners have been taken aback when they inadvertently saw me wearing a clerical collar.  They quickly express concern that someone from a non-Christian background might take offense.  To them, I believe it represents both exclusive Christianity AND also perhaps the POWER alluded to in this morning’s opening words.  Remember how the chaplain felt that the collar resulted in certain children keeping distant from him?  Some people may perceive a clerical collar as a rejection of them, as a force which makes them act differently.  It can be stigmatizing, negatively so, for them.  It may represent unaccountable power.  Indeed, unfortunately today, it can also reflect and/or remind people of sexual abuse, of authority misused, and of hurtful relationships.

 

While visiting someone in the Orange Co. jail, one guard always made me remove the collar before entering the visiting area.  Other guards did not.  Why this one guard always suspected me of smuggling contraband into the prison under my collar – I will never know.  But obviously, his association with a clerical collar was not very positive.

 

One last place to focus…..How does wearing a clerical collar affect me?  To be honest, it does affect me.  It makes me more mindful, continually so, of the fact that I am a minister.  To that end, it probably helps me be more mannerly, more polite, and more open to others whom I do not know.  The friendliness with which I am greeted encourages friendliness in me to others.  The positive relationships are reciprocal.  Similar things happen when I wear a flaming chalice medallion.  It too reminds me that I am clergy.  And that is NOT a bad thing. 

 

I have also noticed, when wearing the collar at a demonstration, if it is a small local demonstration, it tends to tone down negative comments and actions towards us.  It is in some ways apparently legitimizing the demonstration.  Why I’m not sure.  But I have noted that we are far less likely to have a birdie flipped to us with a collar present than without one standing in a vigil along the highway in Washingtonville.  The exception occurred at one of the big NYC marches.  There I was walking along with a Jesuit priest from California when we stumbled upon some pro-Iraq war, anti-choice demonstrators.  They were upset to see clerical collars in the anti-war parade and started verbally challenging us for our positions.

 

So, my question is to you ~ How do you perceive a clerical collar and the person wearing it?  What does it mean to you?  And more importantly, why does it mean that to you?  I invite you to consider your reaction, its reasons, and then to consider other possible reactions you might have to it as well.  And then, after weighing the multiple responses, choose the way which you would like to respond to such symbols of clergy. 

 

I recall two different ladies’ personal reactions to my wearing a clerical collar.  One hated the collar, stating that it meant that one is an intermediary between God and the parishioner.  I clarified to her than no Unitarian Universalist clergy who wears a collar believes that.  Absolutely none.  Another lady said to me shortly afterward that to her, a clerical collar merely means someone is on a spiritual journey, and the collar represents the commitment to that journey.  Although she is Unitarian, she also attends a local Episcopal church….In thinking about it, I believe that her understanding of a clerical collar is close to what I ultimately believe.  The collar is a visual reminder and statement – that yes, indeed, I have committed myself to a spiritual journey and exploration, but nothing more.  So, what does a clerical collar mean to you? 

 

Are there any comments?

---