Giving the Gift That Last
A Sermon by the Rev. James R. Bridges
Chanukah, Christmas, and yes, even the Hindu celebration of Diwali are characterized by the giving of gifts. How many of us here today have spent the last several weeks, if not longer, thinking about gifts to buy? How many of us are still thinking about gifts to get for loved ones? Maybe just one more – to make this season just right?
I can remember from my childhood the excitement that Christmas would bring. A Christmas tree would be bought and brought home. Then it would be carefully decorated with lights and ornaments, followed by tinsel. My dad would start the process – putting the tree into a 5 gallon bucket – filled with water and sand. He would bring the tree into the house, and my mom would then take over – and I would help – choosing the right spots for certain ornaments. Over the years, patterns would emerge, and certain ornaments had to be hung in just the right place. The smell of balsam would permeate our home, starting first in the living room and then emanating to the kitchen and hallway, and then into the bedrooms. My excitement began with the tree, but it seemed more a function of the huge amount of presents that I would find under the tree at home, at my grandparents, and then at my other grandparents that gave rise to the excitement. Santa came for me in three different places. Who could ask for more or anything better? As a child, I loved it.
A month or two before the tree was purchased, I would spend hours going through the Sears and J.C. Penny catalogs, The Wish Books of my era, looking at all of the toys for sale. I would mark those items that I liked, hoping that Santa would somehow find out. (He usually did discover what I had wanted, although he didn’t always bring me everything I wanted.) That too was exciting – looking at the pretty pictures on the covers, and then looking at both the toys and the light displays depicted within the catalogs. Talk about stimulating one’s dreams and possibilities.
But the real excitement happened closer to Christmas, once the tree was up. The presents under that tree were beautiful, lit by the softly colored bulbs and reflections off of the ornaments. To me, the Christmas tree surrounded by gaily wrapped presents was a wonderful sight, and it remains so today to my eyes.
While I remember many of the images of the tree, the lights, the ornaments, and the presents, today I am struck by an interesting fact. I am unable to recall many of the presents from my childhood at all. Even more interestingly, the very few that I can recall were homemade items which I used often in my play. For example, I received one year a hand puppet theater, created out of a large, heavy cardboard box painted dark green, with a curtain back drop made out of maroon fabric. I spent many hours playing with that theater for several years. Also, one year I received a mountain for my Lionel train set. It too had been hand made from paper mache and rags. It included a painted stream, a glass covered pond, and miniatures trees. Of course, there was a tunnel for the train to go through. Would you believe I still have it up in our attic. It has been many years since a Lionel steam engine has chugged through its tunnel, but I cannot bring myself to throw my grandfather’s gift to me away.
In contrast to these few presents, most of the gifts that I received for Christmas, and there have been hundreds, if not more than a thousand over the years, I cannot recall. I’m not proud of it – but it is a fact. I suspect it may be true for more of us than we would like to admit.
I seem to do a little better in recalling presents that I have bought for significant others – both in the present as well as in the past. Thus, I can vaguely remember the glass set I bought for my mom, the soldering gun that I purchased for my father one year, the various ties, belts, gloves, candles etc. that I bought for both of my parents. Even those are hazy in recollection. I can remember only one present that I purchased for Athena last year – and that is because we still use it.
What does this mean? Is it possible that all of the emphasis we place on gift exchanges at this time of the year really is not all that important? That while the excitement is clearly there – it is not long lasting at all. Is it possible that all of the gift giving and receiving is not truly fulfilling or satisfying? I believe that each one of these possibilities is true. The answer to the questions is YES!
I’d like to share a true story with you. It is told by the Rev. Thomas Tewell, minister of The Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in New York City. I read the story in an article he wrote for the Nov./Dec. issue of Congregations (p. 6) It was a Tuesday morning.
John and Michael were having their daily phone conversation about derivatives and investments. Michael was speaking from the World Trade Center where he worked as a bond trader, and John was speaking from North Carolina, where he worked for First Union Bank. Suddenly, Michael exclaimed in a voice filled with panic, “John…there’s been an explosion…I’m surrounded by smoke and flames. Help me!”
John felt helpless but asked his friend, “What can I do?” Michael’s reply was poignant and precise. ”John…here’s my home phone number. Please call my wife Erin and tell her I love her.” Then the phone went dead. All John could hear was static. Michael died on Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001.
This is one poignant story among many poignant stories on Sept. 11th. Michael didn’t worry about buying his wife a present on that day. He worried about expressing his love to his wife in a direct manner before leaving her permanently. To me, this is the intangible gift that lasts – one that lasts forever – albeit only in people’s minds and memories. I am certain that Michael’s message to Erin will not be forgotten by Erin – ever!
Such a message is a lasting gift. We cannot all make such a gift – in such a dramatic manner. Indeed, we do not want to. But we do have other choices. Not always do our gifts have to be purchased in the store, on line, or through mail order.
The things that I recall about people are generally never what they bought or gave to me as a gift, and I suspect I am not alone in this. What I do recall are memories of times spent together, of late night conversations with my mom when I was an adolescent, of trips my dad and I made together over the years, of Sunday afternoon drives with my mom and dad which often had no particular destination in sight. I recall each year driving around town at night and looking at the outdoor lights with my parents. Once I expand beyond my parents and begin including my grandparents and my aunts and uncles, the memories from childhood become overwhelming and staggering. There are an abundance of memories – but extremely few of those memories are associated with gifts!
The same is true of present life circumstances. If I look at my family life, I tend not to remember who gave me what gift – or even what gifts I have received. Far more valuable are the times spent together doing something, or even just sitting around and doing nothing other than chatting. The companionship is precious. I know for myself, the time I most enjoy about Christmas is sitting around in the living room, after all the presents have been opened, and just looking at the Christmas tree. The tension and excitement has faded. Now Athena and I can relax, look at the beauty of the tree, and cuddle up to each other. That, to me, has become one of the joys of Christmas – her best present to me, and my best present to her..
Still another highlight of the season is the service here on Christmas Eve. Yes, it is work for me. Most of December 24th finds me tense – trying to make certain everything is in order and prepared for, that nothing is left undone. On the other hand, the Christmas Eve service is also a time of beauty – of candlelight, of music and singing of the traditional carols. The service, more so than other services, often has more participants. It is also a time to see familiar faces, to share the beauty of the season with others who are important and dear to me and my family. The individual experience is shared with my beloved community – with love and joy.
May we all, myself included, remember what truly are the lasting gifts. May we give them, and receive them, with loving care and compassion to each other and ourselves.
In closing my remarks, I would like to read from the words of the Rev. Dr. Clarke Dewey Wells, emeritus minister of the Lake Region UU Fellowship, Lakeland, Florida, which he wrote in Sunshine and Rain At Once.
During this season of gift giving, a good exercise is to make a list of the best gifts we ever got. That will tell us what is important, for ourselves and for people we want to give gifts to.
While I remember a Daniel Boone hat and a magician set with special affection, the nicest gifts I ever got are in quite another category: the carillonneur at Rockefeller Chapel who let me strike one of the largest tuned bells in the world during his playing of Ein Feste Burg; my mother giving me a complete Shakespeare for my 14th birthday; coach Al Terry saying “Little Wells, grab your bonnet,” and permitting me to enter as a freshman into my first varsity football game; a beautiful lady on a ship when I was still an acned teenager who kissed my face all over and told me she thought I was handsome; Dr. Henry Nelson Wieman telling me he had thought for several hours about a question I had raised and responding with a written answer the next day in front of the whole class; night after night my father playing catch with me in the back yard until it got so dark we couldn’t see the ball; a Unitarian minister in Kalamazoo who put his arm around me after my father died and kept it there for a long time; a friend who flew several hundred miles to visit me when I was sick; a buddy who went to see three movies with me on the same day.
The nicest gifts people have given me have been enabling, confirming gifts, bestowing understanding and self-esteem, help in time of trouble and delight for ordinary days.
May I suggest that you, too, draw up your list of the nicest gifts you ever received. I think it will give some perspective to the kind of gifts we really want to give to others, this Christmas or anytime.
I agree with Rev. Wells. Drawing up such a list is a valuable experience in understanding of self and of others. Perhaps you might like to try it this afternoon or evening – taking a few minutes out of your busy schedules – to feed yourselves and gain spiritual insight.
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