For some reason, Universalists never receive credit for Mother’s Day.  Some of the historians here might reply that that is because they had nothing to do with the holiday.  While that may be true in one sense, in another sense, I believe there is a relationship, a hidden connection, if you will.  But we will return to that thought a little bit later.

As you may recall in my minister’s column, Mother’s Day is a somewhat difficult day for me to celebrate in any congregation. The day has become associated with idealized motherhood.  It is a day which we set aside to honor our mothers, or perhaps our hoped for mothers.  Let’s face it – not everyone has or had the best of mothers.  Some of us did, but many of us didn’t.  And then there are those of us who had no mother of which to speak.  Some of us were lucky enough to have adopted mothers, or step-mothers, who were able to fulfill a loving role.  Some of us had mothers who loved us unconditionally.  And then there are some of us, like myself, who had a conflicted relationship with our mothers.

In my case, I spent a number of years in psychotherapy working on my relationship with my parents.  Even though she was far from being Jewish, my mom could nevertheless throw guilt quite well.  Even though she was far from being Jewish, she could nevertheless throw guilt quite well.  Then too, she was emotionally depressed and not all that available emotionally.  She also had high standards which were difficult to meet.  After years of therapy, I would say that I had an ok relationship with my mom; indeed, I was closer to her than to my dad.  After years of living physically apart, we could talk openly and meaningfully about many things.  But regardless of all of the crud which had occurred in our relationship, we loved each other deeply.

To me, Mother’s Day has become a day to honor those who serve in a “motherly” role to us.  That may include our real mother, a surrogate mother, an adopted or step mother, or a friend or relative who has fit into the role of motherhood.  What role do I mean?  The role of one who loves you unconditionally, who accepts you for whom you are – as you are.  I am talking about the person who forgives you when you have erred or acted destructively, the person who is always in your corner, so to speak, encouraging you on.  Or, like Athena often tells our son Seth, “I am your biggest fan.”

But motherhood is even better than that.  It also includes those who nurture you, who help you take your first steps, be they in walking or in tackling a new and uncomfortable adventure in life.  Mother’s help you settle into your first apartment away from home, helping decorate the setting to your taste, not their own.  They might help you dress for your first job interview.  They may listen to you to help sort out your feelings when you want to quit a job, change careers, enter into a marriage or leave a marriage.  Mothers are those people who are there for you.

They also more likely than not think you are special – even when nobody else thinks that.  They maintain a deep bond of love with and for you, one that exists through thick and thin.

I was lucky; I was able to have such a relationship, in spite of negatives in the bonds.  And I also found others who filled in for where my birth mom fell short.  Not always, mind you, but enough.  And yes, in case anyone wonders, at times, some of my “mothers” were male, as well as female. Now what, pray tell, does all of this have to do with Universalism?

I believe that there is an emotional connection with Universalism, but not a factual historical connection.  Historically, Unitarians were the intellectuals in our religious movement, the Bostonian Brahmin upper crust of society.  Universalists, in contrast, were common farmers who lived out in the country.  They are known as being far more emotional than their Unitarian counterparts.  They thought more with their heart and less with their head.  They believed that God was a God of love.  Not only was He a God of love, but they also believed that He loved so much that everyone was forgiven for their sins.  This was a wonderful, liberating concept, especially during an age of Calvinistic hell fire and damnation.  We are all forgiven….you, me, and you too.  We were washed in love, so to speak, immersed in it.  Can you think of anything more wonderful, more blissful?

God was on our side, helping us take our first steps.  He was there to catch us when we fell or stumbled.  He was standing beside us, helping us along on our journey.

This is not a paternalistic God to be feared, but rather an all giving, an all suffering God to love us and to love.  What more direct way to affirm one’s inherent worth and dignity than to be loved completely and fully by God.  How great that must have felt, how blissful and wonderful.  The bond was direct and very special.